Info about Self Abuse
About Self Harm and How to Help
Self harm and self abuse are unfortunately common occurrences of adolescents in the United States. It may be hard for others to understand what causes it and why these individuals want to harm themselves, and the root of it is usually deep and hard to find. By understanding about self harm, its causes, and how to recognize it; you can begin to help loved ones who may be going through this type of pain.
Individuals who harm themselves, whether from “cutting” or another form of abuse like causing bruises, burns, or swallowing dangerous substances, can eventually lead to more severe consequences. The reason why they harm themselves is typically due to emotional pain. The physical pain of self abuse temporarily covers up the inner pain from emotions of loss, distress, depression, guilt or anxiety. However while it may seem like they are solving the problem, all the self abuse is doing is covering up the emotions like a Band-Aid; eventually the Band-Aid will fall off and the origin of the pain is still there.
The typical signs and symptoms of self harm or self abuse include cutting and scratching one’s skin, typically on the arms, thighs, wrists or chest, deliberately burning their skin, hitting themselves, banging their head against a wall, throwing their body against a wall or other hard surface, punching hard surfaces that cause pain in the hand and knuckles, sticking objects into their skin like pins or needles, and swallowing poisonous substances. Ordinarily, people who harm themselves physically do a good job of hiding it with clothing that covers the cuts or bruises, but you may be able to notice differences in their behavior such as being more reclusive and wanting to be alone, isolated, depressed, and overly-emotional.
If you are hurting yourself and want to help but don’t know where to start, the first thing to do is to tell someone you trust. This person can be a friend, family member, neighbor, or teacher; no matter who it is, choose the person you trust the most and ask for their help. You can also speak to a counselor or therapist for help dealing with your emotions in order to stop the routine of physical abuse or call the S.A.F.E. hotline at 800-366-8288 if you don’t feel comfortable telling someone you know.
After seeking help, you will need to work hard to find what triggers the physical abuse on yourself; do certain feelings cause the emotional pain? Perhaps when you are sad, depressed, angry, embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed of something? Begin expressing your emotions in ways that do not harm yourself such as keeping a journal or diary to jot down everything you are feeling, writing poems, playing an instrument or letting out your emotions through artwork. There are dozens of ways to express these emotions without harming yourself.
If you are hoping to help a friend or loved one who is harming themselves, continue to be supportive and encouraging of them seeking help. Never be judgmental, but try to understand what they are feeling and accept that this is just something you can’t relate to. Offer to listen and to find professional help if they ask for it. If your friend or loved one is harming themselves to the point it may danger their life or cause severe harm, consult a mental professional.
Warning Signs of Self Harm and Self Abuse
Self harm involves more than just cutting one’s self; it is more about the emotional pain of the individual. While most common in teenagers, self harm and self abuse can affect a person of any age. It is a scary concept and one that is hard to understand when you haven’t been in the same situation. Someone who is intentionally harming themselves is trying to express their emotions through physical pain as a coping mechanism. The physical pain temporarily covers up the emotional pain, whether it is sadness, anger, guilt, or shame. These types of emotions are sometimes so hard to deal with, that the person abusing themselves resorts to physical pain as a way to cope with them. Suspecting your friend or loved one is harming themselves is an upsetting realization, but if you can learn to recognize the common warning signs of self abuse, you will be able to take the first step in helping them overcome this dangerous harmful behavior.
The first common signs of self abuse include unexplained markings on their skin, most typically on the arms, thighs, chest, ankles, and wrists. These markings may be appear as cuts, scratches, scars that never seem to heal, bloody patches of skin, burn marks or blisters, and bruises. The person will often blame other things on the markings such as a cat scratch, accidentally falling down to explain the bruises, or being “clumsy.” While this can very well be true, persistent markings that continue to show up and go unexplained while the individual becomes more irritable and defensive about explaining it, may be cause for concern. The individual who you suspect harming themselves, might attempt to cover up these signs with baggy clothing and items of clothing that cover up most of their skin such as wearing pants and long sleeves, even in very hot weather, and never wanting to go to activities which require them to reveal their arms and legs, such as going swimming.
Not all of the signs of self abuse are physical; there are a variety of behavioral patterns that may warrant a suspicious of self harm. These include overreacting to minor issues and becoming more irritable or angry, constant mood changes, and signs of depression or anxiety. Individuals who harm themselves tend to be loners, wanting to remain isolated from the rest of the family with their bedroom door shut, saying no to spending time with others, and appearing to hide from the world. Other behavioral signs include their school performance suddenly dropping, when their grades were previously very good, dropping out of sports and other extra-curricular activities, and sudden bursts of anger and frustration when it doesn’t seem logical or warranted.
If you notice any or all of these signs in a friend or loved one, the first thing you should do is reach out to them. Offer no judgment, but only your support and encouragement in them seeking help. While they may not get help until they feel they are ready for it, you can still remain by their side and offer your support.